Ecosexuality – it’s a thing

Pretty much everything to do with sex is hard. Finding the time and energy, remembering to shave your legs, bothering to get undressed, it’s all hard. And with kinks and preferences becoming more prolific and common at the same time, sex has gotten even harder.

The days of pushing two single beds together are long gone. The days of being classified as a simple heterosexual couple are almost gone. And with the amount of sexual preferences  available, classifing ourselves as simply heterosexual is absolutely a thing of the past.

Here’s a type of sexuality I bet you didn’t know existed, but once I tell you about it, you are going to be very glad I did because it’s weird and makes great dinner table conversation. Unless your grandparents are at said table and still pushing their single beds together. If that is the case, don’t confuse them with the hundreds of sexual preferences they apparently should be choosing from.

And here it is: Ecosexuality. It’s a thing. A sex thing. Not a big movement at the moment but a thing all the same. I guess to be a true ecosexual, you’d have to really like wood. Try not to pine for the forest.

Bad puns aside, this new form of sexual identity refers to a person who imagines the Earth as their lover, or in the dating world, describes a person who is interested in environmentalism. 

Basically, people are now having sexual fantasies about the biosphere. Think surgical masks with grass sprouting from the mouths. No, really. Melbourne was home to a temporary sex house last year and these masks were a part of it.

With the planet doomed due to global warming and the dying out of animals in Africa and to many people drinking decaf, it makes sense that a new sexual identity using the earth as your lover would be created. After all, sex sells and we need to save the planet. Why not combine the two? I can see the marketing by-line now: Want to save the planet by having it as your lover so it can be respected and literally treated with love? Boy, do we have the sexual movement for you! (Free grass sprouting gas mask for every new member.)

So on end of the scale you have the naked hikers, the skinny dippers. On the other end are the people who masturbate in fields of wheat and orgasm in the dirt. Both types of people have enough emotional energy to have taken the time to define themselves. But I wonder if it was worth it. Is their world a better place because they now have a name for the reason they like to get off in the dirt?

In a hyper-individualised society that is filled with people obsessed about finding their place, it’s no wonder that people are now being forced to define themselves sexually. It’s a big planet, so define yourself as loving the actual planet to save some time. 

I have yet to bother to take the time to sexually define myself, I’m too busy trying to remember to shave my legs before sex. But I do know I prefer a lover I can fit my arms around, but that’s just me. I may be sexually boring, old fashioned and possibly obsolete. I may laugh at weird kinks and sexual preferences, but I really do try not to judge. Sometimes.