People are living longer which means marriages are dissolving faster. ‘Till death do us part’ was fine when we only lived until we were in our 50s. But spending 50 years with the same person, nowadays is crazy, which means people are getting divorced or are going for the cheaper option; murdering their partners because 49 years of listening to their super loud snoring is enough.
Knowing how to play the dating game according to your age is imperative for success. If you are later in life, please don’t be put off by dating because you think it’s just for the young and pretty, even though that’s what the young and pretty want you to think. Marketing in the dating world uses pictures of lovely girls smelling flowers and handsome boys flexing their muscles but those girls and boys are not what you are looking for. They are probably married or gay or from another time zone. Those people suck. You are amazing.
Embarking on finding your second or third or tenth soul mate in your 50s and over is a whole new ball game. Actually, it’s an old ball game that has become new again because you haven’t had to do it for 5 decades. When you are old and possibly have decided that killing your partner wasn’t such a good idea because it’s too quiet at night without the snoring, you are a fickle bastard.
Even so, you deserve some pointers about getting back in the game and I have them at my young and ‘in a relationship’ fingers.
The best thing you can do is get a medical condition. I’m not talking about leprosy or the flu. They are way too dramatic and gross. I’m thinking more like a hip replacement or cataract. The golden rule of dating is you need to go where your target market congregates. And let’s be honest, at your age it’s in doctors waiting rooms.
Cataracts are the best choice because they open your eyes to some clever puns you can use to ensnare your new non-snorer. Think along the lines of “all the better to see you with” and “I’m winking at you, sexy, you just can’t tell because of the eye patch” and finally “I’m a pirate, want to sail the 7 seas with me?”
Hip or knee replacements are good too, but the recovery time is longer and you only want to be flat on your back if someone is giving you a raunchy reason to be flat on your back.
The great thing about dating later in life is you are generally over the bullshit. And even better, you know all the lines, you can sense who is not actually an astronaut or a Scottish highlander who likes to ride horses bareback and rescue damsels in distress. Yes, I am referring to Jamie Fraser in the Outlander series. If you do meet him, I’ve already claimed him so keep walking sister or gay brother otherwise I will give you a reason to get that knee replacement. Just kidding. I can share the love.
More and more people are claiming that life starts at 50, and even though all these people are over 50, it doesn’t make it any less true. They would know because they obviously didn’t really enjoy their 20s or 30s when they were supposed to be in the prime of their life, probably because they were to sleep deprived from listening to their partners snoring.
Make the most of being single at 50 and over. Dig out your platforms, hitch your skirt above your ankles, put on your old Glenn Miller record and go on some dates. You are a powerful woman, or man and you can do, be, have anything you put your mind too. Just because you are old doesn’t mean the world no longer applies to you. In fact, with age comes a greater understanding of said world so use your prowess, life skills and get amongst it!
I would love to hear about dating experiences of those over 50. Comment and tell me all about it.